Open Letters

An Open Letter to My Dead High School Best Friend

Hello my dearest friend,

Throughout our friendship, I have never called you ‘best friend’, your ears never heard those words uttered out of my mouth. When, in reality, you were the only person who introduced me the best friend anyone could ever ask.

You cared for me more than I do for myself. You held yourself accountable for making me laugh and smile every day. You used to give me handwritten letters and tell me how much you appreciate me. Your presence was the constant companion of my lonely soul in the classroom full of laughs and smiles. You witnessed my struggle — my life in isolation and crying days. I even wonder how you considered me the best sister you ever had in your life, how can a happy person love and accept a depressed person like me who couldn’t repay the love and friendship she offers.

Moreover, you were the first person who loved me at my worst, but I’m sorry, I took you for granted. I was a busy depressed person to appreciate you. I was annoyed with you for caring excessively as if my overly concerned mom is in school with me. Since I felt being mollycoddled and a burden, I’m sorry, I began to distance myself subtly. But despite the negligence I had with our friendship and for the all the pain I brought you, you remained the same. You always got my back. You were the only one who has shown me that kind of love in friendship exists.

Until we graduated from high school and we drifted apart. Subsequently, I had completely forgotten you, and  you found friends you deserved.

I will never forget the moment I happened to bump into one of our old classmates on my way to work, when she realized it was me, I saw a form of surprise on her face. She immediately asked me when will I visit you, I don’t have any updates about you, so when I cluelessly asked why she answered me the most shocking and painful reality of what happened to the person who loved me dearly.

“It’s the last day of her funeral. She passed away.”

After those words fall over her lips 
and into my ears, disbelief overwhelmed me. I felt the weight inside until tears spill down on my face while your words echo in my ears. Old memories suddenly flashed in my mind, and I can’t help but to murmur “I’m sorry”.

I’m sorry.

Looking back now, I wish I would have been there to hold your hands while fighting, the same thing that you did for me. I wish I would have been able to pray for you and tell you that everything will be fine. I wish I would have spent more time with you, and made more memories. I wish I would have let you know that you’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I know that doesn’t matter anymore, but losing the chance to hug, talk, and see you laugh again crashes my heart. It breaks my heart to realize that over a span of years, I haven’t found a best friend like you. I wish I could have kept you in my life, but I know everything happens for a purpose. Your death taught me so many things, in this fleeting life, I promise to treasure them. I promise to enjoy life and treasure people around me.

I miss you, my dearest friend. This might be my very last letter for you. I want to thank you for sharing your life with me. You will never be forgotten.





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  • Reply
    Jeini Relova
    July 29, 2016 at 1:37 pm

    This really looks so tragic but in the end friendships will always last. I am also reminded to value every moments there is with my friends. Thanks, Jonine. <3

    Spices + Everything Nice |

    • wavatar
      July 29, 2016 at 7:39 pm

      yea, so sad. 🙁
      yes, we should, because we never know what tomorrow brings. Thanks, Jeini! 🙂

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