Among the horde of happy and cute couples this love month, eating in a restaurant, gift giving, posting sweet pictures on the social media, I lie on my bed, writing my thoughts down about singleness. Please, don’t judge, lol.
When we speak of singleness, people mostly confuse the idea to loneliness especially amidst these happy couples this month of Love. But no, singleness has a much deeper meaning, and instead of posting sweet mushy stuff this is what I’d figured to talk about — self-love.
Singleness for me (as of now) is a state of being in a happy and healthy relationship with yourself. Savoring the joy of dating yourself and discovering who you are. Being whole and happy without relying on another person. Not comparing yourself to people in a relationship or in a marriage, but embracing your identity as a happy and independent person.
When I was battling with depression and anxiety, I made my happiness depend on someone. I was so scared to tread outside the world without this person. I’m covered of fears that if I lose my grip on our relationship — I’ll lose everything. And whenever I can’t feel the same love I give to people, I thought I was not worth anything. The sad truth was that I love and take care of someone, but I do not know how to love and take care of myself.
Singleness can be a difficult time of your life especially for someone like my old self who struggled to feel loved and understood and needed someone to make herself complete. And therefore I don’t want to see my miserable life turns worst every single day being alone in this world full of happy couples until God turned this area of my life upside down to put me in a place where I’ll see who really I am. He took me out of my comfort zone that for years hindered me to appreciate the beauty of life. It feels incredible to witness how my heart and mentality towards my life and myself gradually being changed.
To love myself and enjoy my own time.
If before I thought life is boring and sad without a significant partner, in singleness, I realized that the most adventurous time of my life is discovering who really I am and my purpose. I enjoyed dating myself. I had a lot of guys to date me…but I was fine dating myself. I learned to enjoy eating in a restaurant by myself without feeling conscious. To still feel loved waking up in the morning even with the absence of someone to tell me I am. I enjoy my own time, money, and freedom to go to different places and make friends without asking someone’s approval. I explore the world and do the things I want without being blown up by asking what I’m doing. I’ve tried new hobbies and learned new things. I am free from any arguments and heartaches. I have nobody else to worry besides myself.
I learned to be my authentic self and destroy the image of what others’ want to see in me. It helped me focus on my life goals and improved my self-esteem. In singleness, I met who really I am. I learned to appreciate my beauty and accept my flaws without somebody else’s help.
To rely on Jesus.
Before, I rely on someone for happiness, considering him as the source. 90% dependent on somebody else’s hand. In singleness, Jesus has taught me to rely on Him. To ask help and wisdom from Him. I’ve learned that people are weak and fragile, but being single taught me not to rely on myself, and somebody else for security, contentment, and happiness but on Him alone.
As much as I want to think that I can rely on myself emotionally in those times of stress and all the ups and down of life, I know that I have a very weak foundation when the storms come into my life apart from Jesus.
Keep my standards high.
I’ve been single for a long time and friends, no, I’m not single waiting for a handsome and rich guy who can take me out to a fancy dinner, support my bills, or surprised me with expensive gifts, etc.
It is my choice to remain single (or to keep that status quo, lol ) for now and I thank this season of my life where it teaches me not to settle for less and to wait for a godly man who’s well-trained in the art of pursuing and cherishing the heart of a woman.
Occasionally a small voice tugging at my heart saying I’m unrealistic in today’s culture and I should start snagging a boyfriend now or else I’ll get passed over.
Over the years I have come to discover the difference between a man who sees his future with you and a guy who’s looking for a relationship. I learned how to recognize a genuine heart and motive and that it is better to wait than to settle in a relationship just to be in a relationship.
Appreciate my family and friends
I get more time to spend with my family and friends. I realized that I have these wonderful people who are more than enough to make me feel loved and hanging out with them is always memorable and fun.
This journey has changed my perspective on life. If you are reading this chatty blog post of mine, and you are in the same boat as me but unhappy, I want you to know that you are blessed. Don’t let yourself buy the idea that being single is lonely… you are awesome! Enjoy your own company and love yourself the way you want to be loved by a partner.
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What are your thoughts about singleness?